Out!

captainvictoriesbigsteampunkadventure.com

Jul 20, 20204 min read

Updated: Mar 1, 2021

Deals with adult themes and material that

some people may find offensive

Date: Tuesday 21st July 2020

Quarantine: Day - Oh I give up (again) no idea what quarantine day it is

Location: Northwood

Specifically: Bridge Farm

Great start. NOT! Rolled out of bed around 8.30 a.m. Technically not too bad - but feeling so tired it was getting on for 11 a.m before I felt uncomatosed (is that a word?) enough to do anything useful.

First item on the list - shopping. Need a few basics namely bread, milk, biscuits - the usual stuff everyone runs out of mid week. Shopping is a funny thing when you’re a van lifer. On the one hand you can park in the vicinity of well populated areas with loads of shops and facilities. Shopping is dead easy - nip out the moho, buy groceries and trot back again. At the other extreme you can park in the middle of nowhere because you love the scenery and the stillness but then find yourself on a two hour journey just to nip out for a cabbage and some gravy granules.

BAD HAIR

Dammed awful hair actually. Back in March when the COVID-19 lockdown began I had just had my locks trimmed so hair wasn't top of my things to worry about during the lock down period. Now well into July and I swear someone threw me a dog biscuit while I was waiting to buy groceries. Just look at this mop!? OK it's a bit of Instagram OTT but it ain't far from the reality. What I need is a cropper!! Wandering around the town of Wem I spot three hairdressers (shops that is - I can't spot hairdressers just by looking at their body language) It's useless they are all shut - closed due to the coronvirus. But I notice something I've never really looked at before. The names that are given to hairdressing shops. It is time someone produced a book on the names they use.

Here's just a few that I found on my travels.

Scream!

BIKE IT YOU'LL LIKE IT

So goes the saying but I would like it even more if it worked properly. Tried out the electric bike Sean allowed me to borrow. It was great to begin with easy to ride on the flat and just as easy on hills with the power switched on. Not so great though when the battery ran out of steam half way through my journey. Fortunately the halfway stage was very scenic so I stayed for a while just drinking it all in and, since I am surrounded by farm yards, I also take the opportunity to rest my ass! Amazingly peaceful! Highland cattle drinking at a watering hole, no traffic in sight and the only sound coming from an odd bird twittering away in the distance (probably Ulrika Jonsson)

It got me thinking as to whether something like this would be a useful method of transport - just something I could use for shopping and get a bit of exercise as well. It would have to be one with a long life battery though - not something that checks out after a few minutes.

This is a problem for van lifers. A moho may be great for holidays and even for permanent residence but in most cases they are too cumbersome and impractical for tootling around on short journeys. Theres an added problem in that some breakdown companies are reluctant to go out to a vehicle that has a trailer - a necessity for anyone wishing to tow a small vehicle or a tradesperson who requires room for tools or stock. I Don't have a trailer (YET) so it's not been an issues but on the two occasions I have had to call breakdown - once during the great knob drop off of 2019 and the busted clutch caper around the same time - I have been asked if I'm towing a trailer in a tone that suggests they ain't coming out for no 28 foot Hymer with a trailer on the back.

I don't know what the best modes of transport are for the back of a moho but here's what I've considered:

Smart Car

Seems an obvious choice

Upside

Small and economical, cheap road tax and insurance. Takes up very little space (will probably fit under one of the bunk beds inside your moho) and very easy to park (falls into the category of 'pick up and carry under the arm to a suitable space'!).

Downside

Not recommended for farting in.

Scooter

Relive the days of the mods and rockers by buying one of these handy forms of transport. Doesn't even need a trailer since it can be fastened onto the back of your moho or camper van with string or a couple of elastic bands.

Upside

Small and economical, Low tax and insurance. Relatively inexpensive to buy. Can park in bike racks which are usually cheaper. No shifting, parts are cheaper, better fuel mileage, quieter, lighter than a motorcycle.

Downside:

Easy to get knocked off in a high wind (some people will steal in all weathers).

Getting laughed at by bikers.

Folding Bike