*May contain adult themes and material which some people may find offensive*
Date: Friday 2nd November 2019
Location: Thurcroft, Rotherham
Specifically:
Not a particularly eventful day and not one of my proudest either.
Quick rundown:
Woke (I use the term loosely)
Had Breakfast - Chocolate & caramel sort of crunchy type thing. I ask you, is this really breakfast? Coming in at 500 + calories I would argue that this is less of a breakfast and more of a large bag of sweets.
Say what!!!?
Now as you know I’m not one to complain but don’t you just get thoroughly peed of at all these foods that imply they are great for weight loss/maintainance and people on controlled diets? You know the type of thing;
Larjass Lard - only 3 calories!!! (per 1 milligram serving).
or
Triple burger, with egg, chips (don’t give me none of this ’fries’ shit this ain’t McDonalds), black pudding, 3x sausages, fried bread and hash browns with a full fat cream and strawberry jam sauce.
Ultra Lo in fat!!!
Only 372 calories per *serving *Serving = 1 half filled egg cup
then there’s this muck I had this morning. Info on the packet says 15 servings at less than 150 calories. Brilliant sounds good to me. Until you get it home that is and discover that a serving is 45g !!!
45g! What the absolute and utter fuck!!!!? Have you seen 45g of anything? No because it’s impossible to see 45g with the naked eye, fuck me I bet it’s not even visible through a microscope!!! Joking aside 45g still isn’t much to look at - it’s about a tablespoonful - and a level tablespoon at that!
Can you imagine your average adult sitting down with a desert spoon and being served this? “There you go luv this’ll keep you going for the day” . Holy mother of shit this wouldn’t even keep you going for a day on Jupiter - where the day is less than 10 hours long - I az bin doin my research n that innit!?
Sometimes I really do wonder if my actual brain is lying pickled in a jar somewhere and I‘ve been fitted with a cheap copy. “What’s that? Guy needs a proper brain does ‘ee? Argh stick this plastic one in from Argus - ’no one will notice the difference - we flogged the original to a Mr D Hurst or something“
Following this ‘breakfast’ I update yesterday’s blog then realise I feel so tired I can barely hold my head up (just as well I was never a goalie) so I give in and go to bed.
I wake up as Bronwyn and Stuart arrive home. We decide to order burgers as no one feels like cooking. I pay - it’s the least I can do after all the generosity they have shown.
The burgers arrive + a pizza.
The pizza turned out to be garlic bread (garlic!? Garlic bread!!!!!) but even so none of us ordered it. Bronwyn rings the takeaway who delivered. Turns out is was complementary. “I just didn’t want you to think that you’d lost a delivery somewhere” says Bronwyn.
I wonder what the shop owner made of Bronwyn’s Australian accent? “Bloody hell!!! Luigi I know the odd item goes astray but for fucks sake - Australia!!?Fucking hell mate - you wanna listen more carefully when you’re taking orders“.
E=MC2 (Organisers of tomorrow’s market)
For some reason I thought that there was no need to set of for the Steampunk/Goth gig at Doncaster’s wool market until late tomorrow afternoon!!! It wasn’t until Bronwyn said “I suppose you’ll be gone before Stuart & I get up tomorrow morning? that I realised the gig started at 9.30 am tomorrow morning!
Sometimes I really do wonder if my actual brain is lying pickled in a jar somewhere and I‘ve been fitted with a cheap copy. “What’s that? Guy needs a proper brain does ‘ee? Argh stick this plastic one in from Argus - ’no one will notice the difference - we flogged the original to a Mr Damien Hirst or something“
Goodnight everyone!
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