*Deals with adult themes and contains material that some people may find offensive (I hope!)
Date: Saturday 29th August 2020
Location: Ellesmere
Specifically: Wandering around a mere - NOT a lake you understand. It is absolutely not a lake. Do not refer to Mere's as lakes around here or you will be joining the fishes! AND just a reminder - don't go around West Kirby in Merseyside calling it part of Liverpool!
* Well perhaps not on this occasion but it seems a shame to have a nice notice printed in red on all the other posts and leave this one out.
View from my window!
Sleepy start to the day as per-usual - which basically means that I feel less guilty about waking up in the middle of the afternoon than I do during the week. But there is a surprise, (apart from my habit of falling back to sleep again 10 minutes after I wake up; a term I use so loosely it requires cable ties to keep it together) in the form of an update to my copy of Photoshop! This means I am now the proud owner of the 2020 version with loads of exciting new features! yay!
As you know most of the photos featured in my blog are done by myself (like the rather nice sunset above, which was done by taking three photos and linking them together). I could just go out, take a selection of photos and upload them, it would certainly be a lot quicker. But for me there is nothing like the being in total control of processing being able to manipulate literally millions of parameters to get a photo looking exactly how you want. It also means that users are able to produce pictures that were impossible in the days of roll film. Like this one I did of 'The Hub' in Sheffield..
One thing that annoys me - the 'eau-naturelle' camp who argue that 'a good photographer should be able to take great pictures without using Photoshop'. Just what do they think Photoshop is? some kind of digital magic wand that you , wave about in the general direction of Photoshop and hey presto your sows ear becomes a silk purse. Not so. A shitty photo is a shitty photo no matter what you do to it. It might be a better exposed photo but it will still be shit. At it's most basic level Photoshop is simply a digital darkroom i.e. an area where you can ensure that your photos turn out in precisely the way you want.
Back in the day (before cameras were seen as equal to hunting knives, rifles, blunt instruments and children under three and security approached you wearing the kind of look usually reserved for teenagers, the elderly and being force fed quinoa and tell you very firmly 'no photography!' . If you dared to challenge this "but I just wanted a picture of my little boy taking a wee over the balcony" you would be thrown out on to the street) you would run round to *Boots with your little roll of film to have it developed. After 6 months or so you nipped out during lunch to collect your finished prints which were handed to you in a smart wallet. This wasn't for the sake of professionalism or anything it was because your newly developed prints were so dreadful they wanted to make sure you were well away from their shop before you looked at them. Of course when you opened the wallet it was a different story as you took a reality bypass. As long as it was possible to (more or less) make out the subjects in your photos your work colleagues would declare you a great photographer and you would then spend the rest of the day feeling very pleased with yourself.
So - to get to the point. Photoshop simply allows you to do this yourself and have all your photos looking the way you intended!
Thank you and you're welcome.
*Fun Fact No 1: Princess Diana used to do it - the paparazzi would see her standing outside Jessops saying "some day my prints will come".
Fun Fact No 2: People want crap. It's true - you take several shots of the family in a variety of amusing poses - falling head first into a drain, being sick in the toilet or juggling with pipe bombs and your friends will say "Hey they're really good those!" They will also tolerate a bit of scenery or the odd bit of architecture as long as you haven't got more than two. Take a photo of something creative/different/unique/avant-gard that is beautifully framed, accurately exposed and technically perfect and you might as well show them pictures of bomb victims for all the reaction you get. "Ewww what the fuck is that?" "But your boyfriend isn't in the middle of the photo" "Why have you taken a picture of a boulder couldn't you get all the scenery in?"
RUSSIAN DOLLS
'ere ave a shufty at this lot! This was taken in St Petersburg (formerly Leningrad) on 9th July 2007. I know this because on the facebook posting was a note that said 'Saint Petersburg 09 July 2007' They don't call me 'Detective Dave' for nothing (they actually call me something else but I'm not repeating it here)
But the date is significant because it is around this time that I first visited Russia!
My first Rooskie mugshot!? This was taken in a pub while I was chowing down on Borsch (beetroot soup).
From the left - Yulya, Natasha & Inna
...and this is one of me with Natasha & Yula. I really ought to have stood in the middle!
So what made me decide to visit the Russian Federation?
I had met Natasha during my teaching years. She worked as a lunchtime supervisor while her daughter Yulya, attended the school as a student. She had been placed in one of my Year 9 classes.
It turns out that Natasha was from St Petersburg but had moved to the UK to live with her English born husband who was a lecturer at Sheffield University. Recently though their relationship had become strained. Natasha was gregarious, effervescent, outgoing and loved to socialise while her husband worked long hours and preferred to be alone with his books. They were now in the process of separating and already living apart. I didn't know this at the outset though. I only found out one evening while we were out dancing.
She had expressed an interest in a form of dancing known as 'Ceroc' which was incredibly popular at the time (still is as far as I know). I had been doing it for a few years and was quite good at it. From the moment I mentioned it Natasha was totally enthused and couldn't wait to try it. I promised to take her the next time I went, it was only round the corner from where she was living anyway. She took to it like a duck to water - from the moment we set foot in Crookes Working Mens Club to the moment we came out I don't think I actually saw her, I certainly didn't dance with her. The menfolk were fascinated by her - an actual Russian lady how exotic and what a novelty!
As always after we had been out anywhere I drove her home. I was never invited in though. Her daughter Yulya would be there and might feel a bit awkward. at seeing her mum walk through the door with one of her teachers! At least that was the official story. I soon learned there was a more sinister reason.
One evening she decided it was time I crossed the threshold and invited me in for coffee. As it turns out Yulya was fine with me. Like her mum she was very likeable and, although a little shy at first, quickly grew more and more chatty. While the ladies were making coffee (and hopefully, saying good things about me) I had chance to look round (easy enough given that the room was circular!). Had I seen any of the Harry Potter movies at that time I would have likened the room to Dumbledore's office, complete with spiral staircase (no phoenix on a perch though; or pensieve for that matter - shame I would like to have stuck my head into the past). But it did contain books, 100's and 100's of books and, peeping over the spiral staircase, I could see more books in the room below. I had a quick look. It's a while ago now so I don't recall any specific titles but I do remember they were all very academic and very high brow.
I would have likened the room to Dumbledore's Office
Maybe Yulya had been given an extensive reading list when she started at King Edwards School! Whatever the reason Natasha and this room did not work well together. It was a bit like when Sir Bob Geldof had to wear evening dress (or whatever name they give to these suits that make people look like penguins) for his appointment with the queen when he was awarded the OBE). I soon found out why. She told me later that she was still married and this house belonged to her husband who was a lecturer at Sheffield University. Now it made sense.
To be continued....
Although before I do I must find out how motorhome owners are treated in Russia - or indeed whether they even have motorhomes in Russia. While I'm at it I'll see if there is a steampunk community over there as well. So much to do!!
FACEBOOK HUMOUR
Uploaded by my dear friend Kat Saturday 29th August 2020
Who could resist a bit of pirate pussy? (Sorry it's hard to describe a small cat in a pirate ship without blundering into a minefield of double entendres).
See you later guys!
Comments