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Dodgy Steering

Writer's picture: captainvictoriesbigsteampunkadventure.comcaptainvictoriesbigsteampunkadventure.com

Updated: Jul 18, 2020

Very nice start to the day when I discovered that my pal Rachael has used one of our photos on her profile page! Quite right too - she has a lovely smile, and the hat is quite something as well - wonder where she got it!?


Perhaps I should have stayed home but since Wedesday is one of Alex's auction days - he's an antiques dealer - he asked me if I would like to accompany him. I agree and we're off (Besides I happen to know that they do the best sausage sandwiches I've ever tasted. The things are actually cooked properly for a start - none of these anemaic looking things that are shaped like a porkers prick and just about as tasty ('No I haven't' I know what your'e thinking - "oh fuck off").


Alex had to make a couple of stops on the way one to fill up with gas and the other to an auction house in Rochdale where he had a number of lots to collect: Coat hangers!! He saw me raise a quizical eyebrown in his direction "they sell' he said as though this eplained everything) with the result that the auction was in full swing by the time we arrived.


The auction was a damp squib as far as I was concerned, nothing I could use, though I daresay other steampunk craftspeople would have found plenty of stuff to grease their pistons - jewellery, old clocks, radios, scientific and electrical equipment and the like. Alex did well though, picking up a lot of items very cheaply for his business.


Instead I spent my time catching up with my writing over a delicious sausage sandwich and hot chocolate in the cafeteria. One downside - an egotistical bufoon in the shape of an antiques television presenter. Jesus Christ fornicating with fuckwits on Filey beach. Now as you know I'm not one to complain but if there is one type of person I can't tolerate it's egotistical bimbo brained bollock heads who are so full of shit they should have their arses fitted with submersible sewage pumps and thrown into shark infested cess pitts.


This ludicrous remnant of a failed tit transplant was strutting about the place, clealy trying to give the impression he was on first name terms with everyone and that everyone was on first name terms with him. His voice was so overbearingly loud that it gave the impression he had located a sibling he had lost contact with years ago or had just seen someone he had reason to believe was long deceased.

Returing from the auction late in the afternoon Alex was being his usual entertaining self...


"Have you ever heard of Daniel Glibitz?"

"Huh?"

"Daniel Glibitz?"

"Can't say I have"

"as in Dan Glibitz

"Alex?"

"Yes"

"Fuck off"


He then decides he might enjoy the life of a tour guide and proceeds to impart information about the immediate area - Burnley in Lancashire.


"Theres a castle round here somewhere"

"Oh?" "I don't see one"

"It's behind those trees"

"You will probably see it when we get past the trees"

"But, then again, you might not"

"Alex""You are a hopeless twat"


I noticed on the inward journey that Alex frequently pulled his steering wheel down to the right. I decide to ask him why?


"Because the steering is fucked"

"But we've just driven over 60 miles"

"Yes"

"and the steering is fucked?"

"yes" there's a problem with the steering rack"

"and you were going to tell me this - when?"

"er..."

"well its not totally fucked"

"How so?"

"It's OK turning left but won't turn right"

"?"


We pass a very large hill


"Thats Pendle Hill"



He has my interest now.

For those who may not have heard of it or be unfamiliar with its history Pendle Hill is most famous for the Pendle witch trials (1612). It is also the site of a bronze age burial ground. It has been the epicentre of paranormal activity in the form of; ghosts, monsters, lights, sounds, and horrific creatures and is considered one of the most haunted places in Britain.


The controversy surrunding the area was dramatically highlighted during 'Living TV's' "Most Haunted" broadcast live from Pendle Hill in November 2004 when members of the film crew said that they felt like they were being strangled, psychic medium Derek Acorah was "possessed" by a witch and a glass and a table were smashed during a seance.


This gives me an idea!!!


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