Downpour

*Contains adult themes and material which some people may find offensive*

Date: Thursday 14th November 2019

Location: Stratford-upon-Avon

Specifically:

What do you think the weather was like when I woke this merry (Wives of Windsor) morning? Hm? Hm,

Azure blue skies?

The last remnants of a summer breeze?

The air as calm and still as a grassy meadow?

The fresh scent of morning dew?

The sun radiating a gentle warmth?

No

It was BUCKETING DOWN!!! AGAIN! lousy, stinking piece of s**t British weather!!! How much longer are we going to have to put up with this? this persistent foul, rancid, tortuous, torrential rain that we are all absolutely sick of!! Bollox!!! even Noah would have complained at all this relentless s**t!

Argh f**k it - let’s do something else...

We’ll have a fun fact!!!

Now it’s well known that Shakespeare was proud of the fact that his mate, Sir Francis Drake had succeeded in circumnavigating the globe - so proud in fact that he built The Globe theatre in his honour. Problem here though is that this snippet of information has gotten somewhat confused over time.

Bit like the game Chinese whispers. If you've never played (unlikely!) I'll briefly explain.. Someone whispers a phrase into someone’s ear who then passes along what they heard to the next person. This continues until everyone has had a turn when the last person in the team calls out the phrase that they heard. Usually something comically different to the phrase the group started with.

This is a bit like the Francis Drake story. Truth is Sir Francis hated the sea and suffered from seasickness so severe that when the day arrived for him to sail round the world he chickened out, threw a sickie and sent a lookie likie in his place (the conniving old git). Soon as the voyage was over owd Franny stepped in to take all the glory, collected wads of cash for his efforts and treated himself to a night at the theatre.

Turns out that, not only was owd ‘Franny‘ a sufferer of seasickness he also had no sense of direction. So you can imagine the impact a circular theatre had on him. Poor blighter spent most of the night going round in circles looking for the front door. To add insult to injury he was then beaten and thrown to the floor by the Globe Theatre’s bouncers who thought he was someone trying to get in for nowt.

You would think someone would have noticed and took pity on him but sadly no. Turns out the bouncers had flung Franny outside a pub with the result that the great sea faring legend was clobbered by a press gang and dragged of to sea.

Ain’t instant Karma A bitch!!!

Above: The Globe Theater where Francis Drake was caught trying to get in without paying.