*May contain strong language and material that some people may find offensive!*
Date: Monday 4th May 2020
Quarantine: Day
Location: Leeds
Specifically:Lemon-Royd Marina
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VR: Very tired so just had a little float on a river; using a boat to avoid the embarrassment of sitting on the surface of the water and sinking like a stone. Very peaceful journey, beautiful scenery, majestic mountains, towering sculptures guiding me safely on to the next stage of my journey (that or they were on the verge of tipping over and capsizing my boat) down the river, curious fairies flying in for a closer look at me (and not hanging about!) and a herd of wild stallions stampeding over a bridge as I gaze upwards into a star studded sky at a gorgeous big round moon surrounded by a corona (sarcastic celestial twat).
DING!
You remember that old joke that went “so and so has been driving for years and never had an accident. She’s (yes it was always a female) seen hundreds”. Never got it myself but it seemed to make people laugh. Well today as I’m making my way to Lemonroyd Marina I pulled into a nearby car park in order to turn around. To my right is a guy in a van who’s just on his way out (his fault for not being trendy enough). I stop to give him time to pull out. Except he doesn’t pull himself out.....
Thank you, have we all settled down now?
Instead he, or rather his shiny new van with the *2012 number plates, goes ‘crunch, ding, beeeeeeeeeeeeeee, woop woop woop b*****d!’ (man and machine in perfect harmony). Despite this impromptu, if altogether uninteresting, musical performance I take little notice, preferring instead to shut out the noise and gaze at a little yellow sign in the car park, presumably designated for cars, that says “No parking at any time!”
Mr driver of van gets out of his vehicle, looks in my direction and says “mumble mumble mumble “bastard” (Must be foreign). I slide my window back again. “I was trying to avoid your van and dinged my own”. I jump out of Hymie to go look at the damage out of sensitivity for the mans plight. His van sure is ‘dinged’ alright though I would describe it as more more of a scrape with the iceberg that sank the Titanic.
I expressed sympathy telling him that a very similar thing happened to me. (I was parked outside Stuarts and Bronwyn’s house trying to get out of the way of a passing van when I hit a low wall.) His vehicle is caught on a section of iron barrier. He asks me to watch him out but its clear that whichever way he turns its going to cause further damage. Luckily he frees the van relatively easily, gets out to pick up the door that has fallen off and drives away.
*straight out of the showroom by my standards)
LEMON-ROYD MARINA
I carry on to Lemon- Royd Marina - 2 minutes away from freshly/damaged-van-man on the advice of a friend who had stayed there recently. Barely had time to turn the engine off before I’m approached by what looks like a female yeti (all hair and teeth) to tell me I couldn’t stay overnight. She advised me to go to a spot near the entrance where I could stay for one night.
I park up - no signage, no parking meter, no directions, no restrictions in sight. I’m not taking up more than one vehicle space, I’m not in anyones way. Theres no water, sanitation or facilities that I can see. Nevertheless I stay put - it’s a very nice spot!
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