Deals with adult themes and contains material that some people may find offensive
Captn Victory Responsible for the Death of a Super Hero
Date: Sunday 12th July 2020
Quarantine: Day
Location:
Specifically:
WEBSITE UPGRADE
Just to keep you posted the blog website (the one you’re using to read this on) is in the process of being replaced. The new URL is moho4life.com a much shorter title and one that’s easier to remember. The site is currently live should you wish to make a note of the address and/or visit. There isn’t a great deal on there yet but over the next couple of weeks we should be up to speed with it.
The blog will continue as usual but with one major difference - advertising. We have arranged this so it is not overly intrusive
LOCKDOWN HAIR
I’m currently having to deal with Lockdown hair which looks and feels like I’m walking around with a bale of straw on my head.
MOTORHOME ESSENTIALS
Admit it. You plan to sell your home and go and live full time in a motorhome (Ooh look there’s the *hysterical moment in the photograph below!) Very sensibly you draw up a list of essential items which will enable you to live contentedly. This list might (though not always) include the following...
Sat-Nav
Chocks (Preferably Cadbury’s)
Bed Linen
Toiletries
Awning
Crisps
Motorhome
Food
PS5
Beer
Mobile Phone
Lists may vary depending on needs/preferences but I wonder how many people would include ‘Fly Spray?’ As we all know these things aren’t simply a pain in the arse they eat it as well - and anything arse related., you do not want them buzzing around while you’re trying to enjoy a bit of peace and quiet. disappearing into certain parts of your private domain (speak for yourself!) and you most certainly do not want to see them standing in your food, flicking through ‘Cesspit Monthly’ and being sick on your stew and dumplings
*No it is NOT a misprint.
Inevitably these beasties are likely to invade your new living space - especially during the summer months. So what to do?
Recently, since I moved on to the farm, I have been pestered from dawn til dusk by these creepy crawly flying objects, (and after dusk as well if I count the times insects were attracted to the light from my iPad during the night). So I invested in a fly spray that promised to kill “all household flies, bees, wasps and most insects” (Hmmm I can think of many irritating specimens that this stuff could be useful for)
Arrived home - I’m talking about the bricks and mortar home I flogged so I could trundle around Britain) to the drone of a couple of house flies flying near my ceiling and dive bombing anything that appeared to be food (they were sadly disappointed given that the only thing left in the house that was anything like food was a jar of a gravy powder - and that was in a cupboard.
I immediately gave them a burst of insect exterminator and watched as they immediately dropped from their flight path as if they had flown into a car windshield on the fast lane.
Alex reliably informs me that in certain situations there is only response that really works.
“Well”
Well indeed because when I looked at the pair of wannabe red barons they were going crazy spinning round and round in a frenzied circle. What on earth was this stuff doing to them!
What a way to dispense with something. I’m a Buddhist so should be ashamed of myself. so I never used the spray again. In fact it was a full day and a half before the next big shot pilot flew into my (nearly) ex house and received a blast of my lethal death ray.
Fast forward to present day. Whatever the active ingredient was in that first canister of insect spray it had sure lost it’s potency somewhere along the line. I gave one noisy intruder a quick blast, expecting it to spiral to its death.
Nothing ??? Did I miss?
I gave it another couple of blasts plus a third for good measure. Was it my imagination or did Mr Fly appear slightly more contended than he did when he first arrived? He certainly seemed to be flitting around quite happily. Whatever was happenibg I was dure of one yhing thr fly spray was ‘t takibg them out they were getting off on the stuff (unless you have a better explanation)
So my recommendations are
Aboud this - they love it
Try one of these
HEY I LOVE YOUR TINY ASS!
From outside I distinctly thought I heard a little whinneying sound. I listened more carefully. Strange I could have sworn that their were two cows in the field last time I looked. But cows go moo moo not whinney whinney.
My first thought was that my friend Alex had arrived unexpectedly but on opening the door I was confronted by nothing more than grass. Freshly cut grass that is where Ali had given it the once over in a motorised lawnmower. Anyway I knew from my wealth of learning in animal husbandry that cows tend to go Moo”.
But on closer inspection I realised that the whining was coming not from the vicinity of the grass but a short distance beyond it. Where, formerly two cows had been quietly grazing, loafing around and minding their own business they had now been joined by three miniature horses.
Not being any kind of expert on anything remotely horsey (I wouldn’t even recognise Miranda Hart if she kicked me in the scruttocks) I had a quick look on Wikipedia. This revealed the following info....
“A Miniature Horse. Miniature Horses are no taller than 38 inches and come in a rainbow of coat colors and patterns. They are easily trained, have a gentle nature, and can pull four times their own weight. These horses are descended from Shetland ponies and were selectively inbred for their size.”
I found this very intriguing. If I substituted Rachael for ‘Miniature Horse’ no one would be any the wiser - well apart from maybe the bit about being inbred ah and of course Rachael.
Heres a few photos. Aren’t they just amazing!
FACEBOOK MEMORIES
Do you remember this? Photos of the day I first sat behind the wheel of my Hymie - it didn’t even have a name then (apart from ‘The Moho)
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