*Contains adult themes and material which some people may find offensive*
Date: Tuesday 26th November 2019
Location: Rotherham
I’m sure that by now most of you know who Tony is
(Here’s a photo just in case you’re new to my blog or forgotten what he looks like).
Here he is! Scary eh? Especially when he pops up in front of your window when you least expect it.
Whoops!! Sorry not this one ....
............. This one!!!
Oh what now!!???
The one in the green top!
Jeez.
Now I can imagine that many of you will look upon this pleasant, innocent looking chappy and think “hah! I would like to trample on a face like that and/or kick sand in it (But don’t be looking on Brighton Beach - cos thee int non!) But you would be making a big mistake, because behind those innocent looking little chops lies a man whose bravery and courage would; shake the earth, cause buildings to collapse and make people open their wallets (except his own of course - no power on earth has managed that).
DO NOT READ ON IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH OR OF A NERVOUS DISPOSITION...
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
If you are still reading here are just some examples of Tony’s bravery .....
Now this sounds like I’m exaggerating but I have actually seen Tony crack open a tin of Heinz big soup (you know the type, like stew and full of chunky meat n two veg or something), and eat it straight from the can - complete with serrated edge close to his face - and totally uncooked - frozen even!! Such bravery!! I bet he even prised the lid open with his teeth!
Outside a convenience store - Morrison’s I think it was (accessible only from a busy main road and with so many people squashed in the entrance people were being forced out into the main road before they stood a chance of trying to getting in!! (Hardly bloody convenient eh!?) I saw Tony emerge from the store and take out a packet of cold meat slices! Then!!! Without any bread or spread of any description he consumed those meat slices (whole!!!) with all the courage of a small child facing down a grizzly bear in a 40 mph gale armed only with a soup ladle! (Can’t remember what the small boy was holding).
Applause for that man! Such an intense show of bravery - and there’s more!!! Just look at this!
Now you might be thinking ‘supping cold soup out of a can in winter simple‘! ‘Cold meat straight out of a packet Ha for pussies‘! I could do that standing on his head!
Well how about this then! You need air in your tyres. What do you do? You crack open the compressor or foot pump or run round to the garage. Tony simply attaches a tube to the valve and inflates the tyre by blowing air into it straight from his lungs!
Ah Ha!! Not so bloody smug now are we!? Oh! We are, are we? Well get a load of this! See that sea wall? See the position of his hands? Notice he isn’t holding anything in them? That’s because a fraction of a second after this shot was taken he grabbed hold of that sea wall and tore it down with his bare hands!!!!!!
Tourists were so terrified by the spectacle that they hastily gathered up their children and belongings (nothing in particular just whatever was lying around) and fled in wide spread panic, screaming in abject terror in their attempts to escape this formidable man lest they fall foul of his torrential violence and explosive rage, WELL...
Apart from Tony creating a bit of informal merriment today has been - let’s say......shit!
Why?
Still got a nasty cough and cold so took some useful advice from a wise and intelligent source i.e myself and stayed in; that’s if you can call squatting inside a moho ‘in’ and if you can call squatting in a moho ‘squatting‘ when it’s mine and if you can c..... anyway you get the idea.
Decided to focus on my writing - emphasis on publicity. Apparently a successful blog is about 30% writing talent and 70% knowing how to manipulate social media. Brilliant! After hours of struggling I managed to increase website membership by 3 - from 11 to 14! Clearly this is not going to be a walk in the park (or a spin round the caravan site for that matter). ‘Must work harder’ says my teachers report (me again in case you were wondering).
That’s all for today folks more later!!!
Any suggestions about increasing the number of people to my website - please let me know!!
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