Klutz

captainvictoriesbigsteampunkadventure.com

Feb 21, 20203 min read

Updated: Sep 25, 2020

May contain strong language and material that some people may find offensive!

Date: Friday 21st February 2020

Location: Milnsbridge, Huddersfield

Well what a klutz!! I have a power nap in the afternoon (latest buzz word for being too idle to do anything and still making it sound like work) then woke two hours later than intended with no energy to do anything. What a twat eh?

Now as you know I’m not one to complain, but one thing that annoys me (only one!? fuck off it would be easier to list things you DO like!) are emails/messaging or more specifically people's responses to them or lack of, even more specifically business people's responses or lack of them!!

I have reached the conclusion that, when answering emails/messages people have the capacity for answering one question and in the briefest way possible.

Take this recent request of mine

Can I set up on Friday

Can I stand next to ‘Poi-party’ (part of Kat’s email address) as I’m a carer

Can I bring a small table for storing additional stock.

... and the reply

Yes you can

Truthfully I don’t know whether I’m angry or envious of that ‘reply’. Angry due to the lack of detail or envious because it‘s concise in a way I would never have thought of! 👏

Then there’s this .....

I purchased a vehicle from you recently - a Renault Kangoo van. On the whole it drives great but I’ve noticed that, while driving on the motorway, it seems to lose power if I go above 65 mph. I wondered if by any chance it was fitted with a speed limiter (though can’t see anything in the manual). Assuming it isn’t would you be able to check the vehicle over to make sure everything is OK.

Thanks

Dave Robinson

Response

Yes

You could be forgiven for expecting a “Hi Dave” or a “Thanks for your message” or “Hello Mr Robinson” - forget it. “Yes“ was all I got!!

Wouldn't be so bad if it answered the question but which question is it answering? The first? The second? Both? Is it a guessing game?

Alex is a master of brevity. I used to joke about his answers - frequently one word, monosyllabic whenever he could get away with it - sending him messages like

Dave: total number of words used this year 3,642

Alex: 6

His favourite word is ‘well’, because at some point during his existence he and his friends had decided that the best way to answer certain commentary‘s and statements was with a ‘well. Well.

MOTORWAY SIGNS

Right!!!! I’m not one to moan, even though there’s much to complain about in the present climate; Persistent rain, state of the country, gun & knife crime and now bloody COVID-19 (mind you, at least with the latter everyone can say their news has gone viral!)

But if theres one thing that gets on my (man) tits it’s bloody motorway warning signs. Why!? In a word rude! Right? just plain bloody rude. I mean come on, is it any wonder there are so many accidents, frayed tempers and episodes of road rage? manners see! Or lack or them. No damned courtesy in the instructions we’re given.

Look, I’ve got a bit carried away. Allow me to illustrate what I mean. Lets look at photo A.

Now come on, this is Britain - land of courtesy, patriotism and inventors of the *guillotine, concentration camps and spotty dicks (or some such desert containing currants). We have good manners, we are courteous, we say ‘please’ and ‘thank-you’. So we would never say to someone “GET IN LANE” would we!? I mean can you imagine being in the supermarket, finding an old lady in your path and telling her to “get out of the f***ing road”. (A small exaggeration maybe but it illustrates my point).

So, in line with good old British values, allow me to propose an alternative. Now how about this...? (See Photo B ) There.... now isn’t that so much better hmm?