*May contain strong language and material that some people may find offensive!*
Date: Thursday 12th December 2019
Location: Elsecar Heritage Centre, The Foundry Retail Park, Parkgate Retail World, Clifton
Park: Thurcroft!
Not a day of any great achievements, goals reached (wholly or in part) or sucess stories. No stimulating conversations with friends and nothing out of the ordinary to report - except perhaps while driving to Stuart & Bronwyns where I witnessed the aftermath of what looked like a hideous road accident - evidenced by damaged vehicles, what looked like a body in the road but which turned out to be several bags of clothing or something that I couldn’t make out in the dark, four ambulances and several police cars. Hope no one was hurt but it seems unlikely.
So I could abandon writing here, after all I don't suppose anyone would object to my having a day off ! or I could continue writing as I did yesterday and hope inspiration kicks in! I’ll go for it!!
AIMED AT MOHO DRIVERS SO FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS BIT.
I began by saying that today had been pretty much unproductive. A clue as to why is in the location or locations! Plural. Basically driving around all over the bloody place trying to find somewhere to hole up for the evening. My original plan had been to drive from Elsecar (where I was pushing my luck in having stayed two nights already) to The Foundry Retail Park, pick up a few groceries then move to Parkgate Retail World for lunch before finally settling at Clifton Park for the night.
Elsecar to the Foundry - no probs
Foundry to Retail world - ditto
Retail World to Clifton Park - Bloody roadworks!
..... Roadworks which have been ongoing for about three weeks now. Wasn't held up long but the problem was trying to get into the lay-by that runs down the side of Clifton Park. Machinery is currently taking up half the spaces, cars - a fair chunk of what’s left. I can see a space but to reach it I would need clear access. I don‘t have clear access because there us a backlog of traffic waiting to move but is held up by the roadworks.
I drive round the block in an attempt to approach the space from the opposite side of the road but I’m prevented from doing so by various obstacles - roads which are too narrow, roundabouts which are too small, drivers that wont let me out at junctions. Finally I find my way round only to discover less spaces than there were before!
Back to Parkgate Retail World - at least I can get a meal while planning my escape! I ask the assistant for a chicken and stuffing sandwich. she mumbles something about “wevva I would like it onbraun orshite“. I suspect she’s chewing but hiding it under her tongue (I used to be a teacher, I know these things). I ask her to repeat it - “yerwantit onbraun orshite” mmmm not quite there try again - this time she realy goes to town - no really she did go to town, just up n fucked off! ..,,
.... to return with another assistant. This time I hear the words crystal clear - like the tinkling of a little bell - “Would you like it on brown or white!” Ha! Progress!
At least for now!
I make another attempt on the summit of Clifton Park - well its beginning to feel like a very steep climb. But while the traffic has died down access to the lay-by hasn’t - In fact its worse! Not a spare place in sight.
With a greater chance of getting a tit wank from Madonna during a confirmation I abandon Clifton altogether and head for Stuart & Bronwyns. Ever since I purchased the moho I have only ever once had a problem with parking outside their house. Now was the second time.
As I turned the corner there was a car blocking the way. Fortunately not for long and whoever it was drove of. End of issue? No! As I drove the last few yards to park in my usual spot I notice a red car parked smack in the middle of where I need to be. Only way round it was to drive around and park on the opposite side of the road.
The reason I go into detail about this is to show that it doesnt matter how much planning you do - things can still go wrong costing you, time, money and stress you don’t need!
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