Deals with adult themes and may contain material that some people may find offensive.
Date: Tuesday 28th January 2020
Location: Huddersfield
Specifically: Milnsbridge
MORE AMAZING REVELATIONS
Forget miracles and stories of biblical proportions. I am no sooner ensconced on the settee with breakfast than Alex begins to furnish me with enlightening stories and cultural exchanges befitting of any volume dealing with high culture. Prepare to be amazed!!
He's watching season one of Star Trek the original series - the one with the characters whose name everyone likes to deliberately get wrong - forget Kirk, Mr Spock and Scotty - try Quirk, Speccy and Spotty. I never cease to be amazed at how Alex wakes can gets himslef up at the crack of dawn ready to watch the first of that particular days Star Trek re-runs but takes hours to get himself up for work. His focus today is on Chekov..
"Checkov's hair was too short so they made him wear a stupid wig"
There now don't tell me that that information hasn't enhanced your day! "...and there's more" (as Jimmy would say!)
"there's a conspiracy theory which claims that Paul McCartney died on 9th November 1966 and was replaced by a lookalike".
...and back to Star Trek
"There's a bloke in Star Trek who died and then returned in another episode a few weeks later"
* His names is Jimmy Cricket for anyone who thinks I'm just making politically incorrect jokes.
TAKING CAT HOME
Do you ever those times where you arrange to do something then wish you hjadn't. Of course you have, we all do it. Cat (as in she who still hasn't decided what role she plays in Alex's life) has decided she wants to move house again - no idea how many she's rented during the time she's lived in Huddersfield - about 4-5 years maybe. As you recall it was Cat that talked about how much she's would love to buy a motorhome and just travel around the country. It's a lifestyle she's certainly suited to given the amount of house moves she's gone through.
The new house is part of a small row of houses in the middle of an agricultural area just outside Huddersfield. I haven't seen it myself but Alex has - apparently it's a very nice property and the rent is more than reasonable. Since she signed the rental agreement Cat has been trying to get someone with a van to help her move in (I know you're way ahead aren'y you). This was going to be a new boyfriend - someone who had recently ended a relationship to be with Cat (idiot!). But she told Alex and me that she wasn't going to let him help her "because the price is too high" which I think was some kind of euphemism for "I help you move in and you provide a few fornicating favours. Cat wasn't having any (and so neither was new ex-boyfriend as he became now!). Next stop Alex - and...myself.
For some dumb reason I had agreed to go round to her current address at around 6.00 p.m. I hoped and prayed she'd cancel but she didn't - but at least Alex offered to show me where she lived. Why did I agree to helping her move despite my clear reluctance? Because I'm an idiot - she's pretty, has big green eyes and a sexy Irish accent. Sometimes (sometimes!!?) we men sure are suckers for a pretty face? (Plus I'm going to regret publishing that). As it turns out there wasn't a great deal that Hymie needed to carry - a few bags and boxes, not a great deal more than an average weekly shop (for a family of 37). One more thing - a passenger, Cat's son Oliver. He was helpful enough getting his mums stuff in the van and he was the same when we arrived at the house. He also appeared to be fine on the way back until after I had dropped him and his mum of at the supermarket and found he'd thrown an empty drinks can under one of the seats (next time I drop him off it will on his head from a great height.). To be fair Cat did give me £20 towards petrol which was fair (It was also nothing short of a miracle according to Alex because it's usually damned near impossible to get any money out of her).
DRAGONS DEN
Right!! What the hell kind of shit is this!? Never seen it before (thank the holy Christ!) What season are they on now? F*****g 137 or something!!! I don’t know who’s worse, the clowns in the chair that appear on this shit shower of a ‘show’ or the wonky eyed wanger wallopers who pop in for a character assassination.
Just in case you're one of the three people whos never watched it, Dragons Den is a reality TV show where budding entrepreneurs pitch a business idea before a panel of smug rich bastards loafing around in the corner of a condemned warehouse in the hope that they will impress them enough to enable them to take their business to the next level, usually downwards.
These entrepreneurs then use a variety of techniques in order to convince the Dragons that they have a sound business idea. Techniques include; wheedling, grovelling, begging, pleading, snivelling and crying. They are also content to allow themselves to be verbally torn to pieces by the Dragons in exchange for some of their cash which in real terms, amounts to a fraction of their weekend pocket money. Load of bollox. Go and watch ‘Funerals Live’ it’s funnier! Now theres an idea worth pitching!
DONNY
Much as I would love to I can't really finish this posting without doing my little (anti) contribution for the upcoming Donald Trump campaign (not be long before he's boasting about it on Twitter anyway). Way I see it the biggest complaint about owd Donny is his lack of intelligence (colq. thick as shit) So I have put together a list of candidates who's intelligence is either on a level with or slightly higher than his. Who gets your vote!?
See you later everyone!
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