Date: Fri 19th Feb 2021
Location: Huddersfield
Specifically: Milnsbridge
Mood: Blearghhhhhhh tired n dopey, upset tum.
IF YOU READ THIS YOU WILL ENJOY MANY YEARS OF GOOD FORTUNE!
I recently reread Bill Brysons ‘The Road to Little Dribbling’. In it, he writes about the staggering number of businesses in this country who hate you. He goes on to list some of the most obstructive and bloody minded of them, who seem to delight in making the simplest of tasks absurdly difficult.
Why? Well here are some of my views..
They enjoy it
They are people of doubtful parentage
They enjoy it
The cranial area reserved for brains has been removed and replaced by a small cloud.
They enjoy it
They enjoy it
They confused poster paint with nappy fillings during childhood.
They enjoy it
Did I mention they enjoy it?
I don’t recall whether Bill mentioned the Post Office, but if he didn’t he should have, because I would place these obnoxious, obstructive, little fascists at the very pinnacle of crapness (and give them a little shove over the edge).
I have mentioned the post office on a previous occasion so I’ll just add my most recent experience. Whenever I have to use a post office I am filled with a feeling of dread. Because I know they will find fault with something.
Take today. I box up the gas fire that almost blew up, and make sure I have the return slip on my mobile, as well as the QR code. It needs a good helping of parcel tape, so I take myself of to the post office to get some. I also collect a roll of sellotape. As a moho owner imbeciles, moaners and finger waggers are an occupational hazard and I frequently encounter people who should be gagged or would benefit from a stiff cylindrical object rammed in their face.
The Lady behind the counter is very helpful. She gives me a big smile, pops my purchases in a bag then casually asks if I am
planning to buy a lottery ticket! I have never bought a lottery ticket. “Tonight is a rollover “ she says, her eyes glazing over as she spends a shitload of imaginary cash. “170 million tonight”. “Well it will buy a few sweets!“ I say, and find myself agreeing to purchase a ticket. I don’t fully understand why. Isn’t there a greater chance of something horrible happening to you than winning the grand prize in a lottery? Being murdered? Getting struck by Lightning? Getting run over by a car? Brained by a safe falling from a 10th floor window? Turned into bolognese sauce by a high speed train? Dying with a smile on your face after being bonked senseless by Melissa Benoist? Having a mannequin come to life and chase you around a shopping centre, falling out of an aeroplane and onto the antlers of a passing reindeer, .......everyday sort of stuff.
I arrive back at Hymie clutching my parcel tape and my one in 14 million chance of winning 170 million. Alex only has one question when I see him later, if I win will I give him a million quid? “Of course” I say, but feeling quite certain that I wont be parting with such a sizeable sum and he wont be receiving it.
FACEBOOK ETIQUETTE
During traditional social interactions should you be in need of help, support, a service of some kind or to make a request of some description it’s customary to do so in a polite and courteous manner. It takes no effort, costs nothing and makes the world a much nicer place. Simple enough you might think, but we do seem to be struggling to get the balance right. Sometime during the19th C....
“Good morning and thank you for allowing me to stand in the very space in which you yourself have only recently been stood but might I venture to ask if I could please borrow your copy of ‘A compilation of Exciting Punishments for Servants, Domestics and general Skivvies’ A Self-Help Guide”
“Well of course you can sir. After all this is a library.”
Ah....yes, well.
Moving on to the middle bit of the 20thC and we seem to be making progress...
“Ooh Tarquin would you mind if I borrowed your book ‘The Continuing Successes of British Government: A fantasy novel?’
Sadly, just when it looked like we may have got it right, along comes online communication and the wonders of social networking. Welcome to the age of the yellow belied, the couch hiders, the namby pamby and the spineless aka The Keyboard Warriors.
Curses! We were so close, teetering on the brink of pleasant etiquette, empathising with others and the demonstration of general politeness and courtesy. Now look what’s happened! As Freud always feared (the psychologist that is not the chef/politician one who talked funny) the Id has been released!
Face to face interaction keeps us in check. We understand the consequences of being rude and disrespectful, and conversely, the benefit of being tactful and diplomatic But with the rise of online interaction these pleasantries are not simply forgotten, they are blatantly disregarded.
Before Facebook
“Mr and Mrs Ormsbigall! How lovely to see you both! My my aren’t you both looking well”
On Facebook
“Oh Christ Mr and Mrs Ormsbigall bloody cheap bastards. I took a brace of Baileys to their’s at Christmas and they wouldn’t even let me pull a cracker (anyway, how was I to know she was their daughter).”
Before Facebook
“Yes your worships my learned friend here ...... “
On Facebook
“Cheating little shit the only way he got his last client off was by withholding evidence!”
Before Facebook
“Why Isobel, your mother is a perfect Gem you’re both so much alike!”
On Facebook
“God help us, they say if you want to know how your girlfriend will look when she’s older look at her mother. Yellow cheese with red skin and I ain’t talking Gouda!”
—————————————————————
People are no longer fearful of speaking their mind or taking action they would not dare try on the high street.
Neither are they reticent about being verbally abusive.
running online scams making outspoken comments especialky in relation to gender, race, sexual orientation etc Online bullying
asking for price reductions
Taking cash out of your bank all with the This isn’t simply a question of businesses taking advantage the government are on their side and they have the full backing of the law.
“RESPEC.....”
It’s a funny old world, as I seem to find myself saying far too frequently. Respect is a word we encounter often, especially among young people who believe you can pick and choose to whom they will and will not show respect. Respect my arse they can’t even spell the damned thing it has a T on the end it
Another problem relates to the way people express views and opinions and the way these are received by friends and acquaintances. Friends talk openly about their views because they tend to share the same or similar views as each other. Online it’s a different matter, because you come up against hundreds and thousands of people with radically different views to your own.
Facebook Version
I have had it up to here with people who simply cannot find it within themselves to use good manners. Proper etiquette costs nothing and makes the world a much nicer place. Here’s an example from a time when people had manners...
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