*Please note: Contains adult themes and material that some people may find offensive.
Date: Thurs 16th July 2020 Quarantine Day: Oh go bother someone else - I haven't a clue Location: Oh no - you've caught me on the hop there er...give me a minute. Specifically: I want to tell you I really do but it's complicated - I'm on the Welsh border, on a farm, in a place called North something something, at a place called Wham (or what sounds like..) with Ellesmere on one side and Whitchurch on the other. Does that help?
*Oh no!! You're actually searching for it aren't you!?
Well of all the stupid, useless time wasting tobacco tomfoolery I've ever witnessed ... (to be continued...)
Today I had several big jobs to do in rapid successio....
“........ thank you - have we all settled down now?
...as I was saying, before I was so crudely corrupted, I do not like it when there is one bog sorry big job to be d....
“Look do you want me to continue with this story or not?”
..to be done let alone a whole row of them.
I should say that when I say big job I mean it in the sense of something that’s important, necessary, essential, fundamental, urgent etc (yes I did use my thesaurus - I was on a bit of a roll ). Those necessities were...
Exchange gas cylinders or chow down on grass and cold food for a while,
Get a haircut (just the one hair no sense in going mad),
Buy the weekly shopping
Collect my prescription from the chemists.
Worked out rather well as it happens..
Drove out of the farm without much hassle. Got the big gates open, remembered to disconnect the EHU cable (yes I know what you were hoping for! 🙄) AND remembered to take the computer off the desk and store it safely before setting off! It is not going to survive another fall off my dining table!
Aha! I was impressed with me as well!!!
Here is why it was a good journey
I discovered that not the whole part of Northwood is a mass of dangerous and boring roads! There are also dangerous and boring roads that lead to somewhere interesting - as I discovered when I passed two large stretches of water en-route to Ellesmere. I’m guessing one was ‘The Mere’ off the A495 and White Mere off the A528. A quick look at the ‘where am I now’ app showed me there was another stretch of water close to ‘White Mere’ known as ‘Blake Mere’. I will be back later for a walk round those later - if only to see if there is a lake called ‘Cash Mere’ 😂
Collected my prescription with no trouble other than arriving at the chemists too early and having to kill time for 20 minutes (which is legal apparently).
Didn’t even have to make a separate trip to the supermarket because I discovered an Aldi on the way!! Total cost of weekly shop £23!! Better than the £40 squid I had to fork out for Morrisons to deliver on Sunday.
Gas cylinder exchange - easy! Just down the road from Aldi AND it was even cheaper than in Rotherham £25 as opposed to £28.00!!
Haircut - ought to have looked for a hairdressers while I was in Ellesmere but didn’t. Stuff it - I’ll find one another day theres no one round here to give a stuff about my appearance and the cows and horses don’t give a shit (well actually they do and they don’t care whose watching - shameful).
Right where was I? Ah yes tobacco tomfoolery...
... so I drive into a builders yard in Ellesmere to exchange my gas cylinders. The chappy who serves me asks me to wait at the cylinder holding area while he brings me a couple out. I swap the cylinders over while he goes off to take my card payment. That's when I noticed the sign in front of the gas cylinders.
What utter foolishness is this?
As if we don't have enough to worry about at the moment what with lockdowns lockups social-distancing and social-isolation now smokers are even being excluded. Now don't get me wrong I'm no fan of smoking I get why it has to be taken out of doors and I get issues related to passive smoking, social persuasion and peer pressure. But what I can't understand - and this is why I was so horrified at this display in the builders yard - is why take a perfectly good smoking area and then stick up a sign effectively telling smokers that they must keep away. Imbeciles! Idiots! Nicompoops! Litter bugs (sorry seemed like a good opportunity to throw in another pet hate of mine while I was ranting). Take a look at the next photograph and let's examine the advantages...
As you can see the area is very easy to access for smokers - the gate is even wide open so there is no need to bother anyone about coming to open it.
I have highlighted one cosy little area but actually counted four in total with each space being able to accommodate up to four of the dirty, scruffy, ignorant grubby, disease riddled...........ahem (apologies - allowing my little prejudices to creep in there) .....up to four smokers.
A builders yard may not be the most picturesque place to smoke your ciggy but even this has been catered for with the provision of some rather pleasant scenery in the form of luscious trees in the background!
And last but no means least every single container within this potential smoking area has a little valve on top that releases a not unpleasant fragrance. All the smokers have to do is open just one of these valves at the same time as lighting up their cirgarette and they are guaranteed to experience a high like no other.
So come on people. Let's raise a glass to the selfish, grimy, pig ignorant, yellow toothed smokers, fag ash faced......(apologies - allowing my little prejudices to creep in again) in the hope that this amazing area will soon be put to good use. Who knows it might encourage those who use it to stop smoking altogether!
FACEBOOK HUMOUR
Not had any Facebook humour for a while. Lets rectumnify this shall we?
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