*Contains adult themes and material which some people may find offensive*
Date: Saturday 23rd November 2019
Location: Rotherham
Specifically:
A few people have asked me recently what it‘s like to live full-time in a Motorhome - presumably those who are thinking of doing it themselves (or women on their own - “SISTERS are doin it for themselves!” cough...... ahem.....).
Now, If you catch me on a good day - like Tracey and Paul McGwyre did recently - I will tell you how great it is, what fun there is to be had, how you can go pretty much anywhere you want (unless you get your hand slapped that is) and how great it is not to be endlessly worrying about bills - or, if you are into wood carving - not to be endlessly whittling about bills ho ho (ah bollox then)
But today is NOT one of those days.
Today is a shit day....
..... and on a day like today - I could not kiss everybody and I’m not full of love and good cheer either (hand up the twat who said “yer never bleedin well are!?”).
For the following reasons.....
1. Moved from the Bridge View site at Thurcroft only to discover that a combination of; heavy traffic, shitty weather and flood warnings have conspired against me to prevent my parking at the spots where I like to eat my lunch etc (Of all the maintenance work in all the world why is it always sewage pipes they start on!?)!
2. To make matters worse I’m also at the wrong end of the country (to avoid floods that is) so don’t even have Brighton Beach to fall back on, (not that anyone would wish to fall back on Brighton Beach those pebbles are painful, there are trains going back ‘n forth and people flying around on zip wires threatening to boot your ears off).
3. I have severe problems with my waterworks
No!!!!! Not those waterworks!
The ones in the moho (how embarrassing).
4. And the biggest disappointment of all - my friend Tony has suggested he wants to arrange for me to go body boarding!
SWINE!!!
I know what that is, I watch the news! It’s a method of torture that George Dubbya Bush recommended during the war in Iraq. (See - not as green as I’m cabbage looking). Where victims have an old dish cloth shoved in their mouth, tipped upside down on a plank then have water poured onto the cloth which simulates drowning!
Tony then has the nerve to tell me that I am confused and that ‘body boarding‘ is actually a type of surfing.
Oh booooooooo!!!!
Can’t even be honest.
留言