Contains adult themes and material that
some people may find offensive.
Date: Saturday 8th August 2020
Location: Wem
Specifically: Bridge Farm
There are days like today where I think writing a blog post is a waste of time. Why? Because I am supposedly writing about my adventures! I don’t know about you but when I hear the word ‘adventure’ or any of its derivatives like ‘adventurer’ ‘adventurers’ or ‘window cleaners’ I think Indiana Jones being chased by wrecking balls through snake filled tunnels with no apparent exit, Harry Potter facing down he who must not be named - “Voldemort” (ah fuck!) or school teachers. But I don’t think my plans for today fall into the category of adventurous. Wake up. Fight down the desire to back to bed. Go to Aldi because I’m too mean to go to somewhere a little more high class - like the bins outside Asda or a soup kitchen. Have lunch. Afternoon nap. Dinner. Bedtime. A very short blog and, due to the lack of any real adventure unless you count bouncing over a pothole on the way back, ultimately pointless.
But having said that I love a challenge. So my aim is to upload something by the end of the day that, while it might not have Lara Croft pleading with me to join her on an adventure, should at least be humorous and interesting! So let’s see what I’ve got to play with. Aldi is first on the list. Food is required and top of the list is semi-skilled milk - I can go a week without food (I think) but not without a cup of tea.
First task is getting started! Going somewhere in a Moho can be a pain in the butt hole. I’m not just talking about stuff like size, weight and manoeuvrability (or lack of). There are other things to consider. With a car you pretty much jump behind the steering wheel, turn the key in the ignition and, unless you’re being chased by an axe wielding serial killer and need to high tail it at speed, the engine will purr into life and you’re away.
In a Moho your first job is to tidy up!! Can you believe that? Can you imagine Ayretin Senna in pole position during the Grande Prix telling them to hold the chequered flag for ten minutes while he slips on his Marigolds to tackle the breakfast plates!? The shame and embarrassment. Once you’ve done that there’s the additional task of storing away anything that isn’t nailed down. No one wants to be coasting down through the town centre with the wife yelling “Marvin stop! Our tent has blown under a tram!” Then there’s making sure everything is shut/closed/locked to prevent anything disappearing en-route - “Shelley one hates to be a pain but wasn’t Orville in his pushchair when we set off?”
Having got all that out of the way it’s time to go. “Yay!” Not in my case though. My next task is to drive over bumpy grass trying to ignore the bored looks of the cows and miniature horses as I drive past, steer around a portable stage, the 3D space shuttle simulator a mound of rubble and finally make my way between a horse box and a goat who clearly values grass more than getting out of the way of several tons of motorised house.
Then....
Just as I’m dreaming about how nice it would be to put Hymie in second gear it’s time to step on the brakes, turn off the ignition, lower the steps and get out. Next job is to open the gates. But these are not just any old type of gate with a sliding bolt and a couple of hinges. No. These are the type of gates used to prevent people breaking into military bases, stopping violent criminals from escaping and (in my case) stop a team of shire horses from absconding and making their way to the meadow several hundred yards up the road.
Next stop. Aldi.
Quick shopping trip later being careful not to pick up extra bits and pieces that I didn’t need and that was it. Total £23 something. I’m sure they are finding sneaky ways of putting their prices up. Once again I forgot my bags. So bloody absent minded. It’s one thing forgetting stuff because you left it at home and quite another when your home is outside in the car park! I think since shops had to stop handing out shopping bags I think I’ve possibly remembered to take bags on about three occasions. How crap is that!?
GAS GAS!
Since I had a gas cylinder that needed replacing and since the builders is more or less round the corner it made sense to swap it while I was in the vicinity. This made the third journey since my time at Bridge farm. On those occasions I was served by three different people. They were always professional, polite and friendly. I mention this, not because I’ve run out of gas related jokes (though I suppose if I really tried I could squeeze one out). But because I feel companies like deserve a mention. The company is called Cadstones Building Supplies , Heath Road, Whitchurch, SY13 2AA. Tel 01948 661972.
MORE ON THE KAT
For some time now I’ve been meaning to update you on Kat Croker my dear friend and absolutely amazingly talented artist. I should hang my head in shame because part of the reason for blogging was to feature some of the best Steampunk artists. If I split the truth into balls and juggle with them I might be able to say I’ve written about three artists Kat, Deb and Rachael and maybe I could get away with adding Sean Lightning and Ian Gadget Thomas because I have uploaded photos of some of their creations and written a few bits and pieces about them. I have written much about Rachael but have yet to cover the key point which is an uplifting story about inspiration and positive thinking. But in truth the only artist that I’ve featured in the way I intended is Kat. I suppose I’ve been waiting for a ‘right time’ the moment - when a zing of lightning whacks me on the ass sets fire to my breeches and fills me with kick start inspiration. But it doesn’t look as if that’s going to happen. Plan B? Self-Discipline - shift yourself you idle schmuck!!
Kat is a human production line. She’s like a robot - in the most positive sense of the word. It is some time since I set foot in her studio but I bet that if I went there now she would be in there from morning ‘til night working on her creations. Kat tends to stand while she works possibly due to being hyperactive (it could be Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder ADHD) but as yet there has been no official diagnosis. Whatever the reason she works as if expecting the floor to collapse from under her feet if she stays in one too long in one place. there’s always plenty of room to manoeuvreBut now, with her constant ‘making stuff’ coupled with the cancellation of trading events her studio must be filled to the rafters with completed items! ‘Mousie’ items and ‘maskie’ items if her Facebook postings are anything to go by. Since we’re still under threat from COVID-19 and the government has decided that it would be good if we all look like surgeons, dentists, armed robbers and the Lone Ranger face-masks have been made compulsory. Kat made masks anyway but she decided to add some variations which would appeal to the general public as well as the Steampunk community........
Masks available on eBay or via the Kat Croker FB page. Cost £7-£8 free PnP
I’ll add more photos to the photo album page but here are a few examples for now. If you want to purchase one eBay items are listed under ‘poichick’ or you can PM via her Facebook page ‘Kat Croker’.
A final note. Kat texted to ask me for a few photos of where I’m staying!
“Post some [pictures] on facebook so I can be jealous!” Why not? It will give me a reason to process them!
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