*May contain strong language and material that some people may find offensive!*
Date: Thursday 6th February 2020
Location: Milnsbridge, Huddersfield
Specifically: Nauseous and disorientated after spending way too long in a virtual reality machine. HYMIE
What a dumb ass! I purchase a virtual reality device that will allow me to enjoy a full range of entertainment (Including movies and ‘t’internet with minimum space and negligible power (see image)
and what happens!? I wear this thing for way too long and am now suffering, what can only be described, as travel sickness, and not of the virtual variety either!
As much fun as this device is I really shouldn't have tried it out after a meal - especially one consisting of fried things. Spinning out of control in the weightlessness of outer space, travelling at breakneck speed round a race track, clinging to my favourite armchair to avoid injury during a roller coaster ride, doing hair raising somersaults in a jet or having a performer from the cirque-de-soleil thrust her bosom in your face is not generally considered conducive to keeping your lunch where it belongs. I mean I enjoy a plate of stew as much as the next bloke but after I’ve had a good helping of dumplings I like them to remain in my stomach thanks all the same.
There is something of an issue regarding motorhome entertainment (well imho there is anyway) - in the sense that pretty much anything you purchase for this purpose will be something of a compromise, and a Lilliputian compromise at that. Unless you have a motorhome that could double as an A47 Airbus I would imagine you are unlikley to be fitting it out with a 65” TV anytime soon.
The chances are you will probably have to make do with a shitty little 12v system that plugs into the cigarette lighter and has a screen size slightly longer than the average envelope. This is fine if your definition of ‘using’ your moho is having a ‘weekend away’ in the woods at the back of your house but if you're using it on a more regular basis (and Hymie loves to be regular) you want something a little more substantial.
So the VR system is MY solution to the problem. I emphasise the ‘MY’ simply because as a solo traveller I am responsible only for pleasuring myself (let‘s not get ahead of ourselves shall we), theres no one else to worry about (Hah see!?).
STEAMPUNK
I guess you'll have worked out what I’m going to say on the steampunk front; thats right, nothing. Maybe if my ‘Oculus Go‘ VR system had turned up later in the day I may have got a few bits and pieces out of the way. As it is very little was done and what there was was just half hearted bits and pieces.
Sometimes I don’t like myself and today is one of those occasions, I know I have lots of work to do if I‘m going to ready for Knowsley on the 15th Feb but my mind just isn‘t on it. I can’t blame VR thats just something I’m using during periods of procrastination - although its certainly not helping.
ALEX
About the same amount of info as on the steampunk front - pretty much nothing. This is because yesterday evening Alex announces...
”Tomorrow I will be keaving here at 7.00 a.m.”
”Then I am coming back here at 5.00 a.m”
”Then I going out an hour later at 6.00 p.m”
”Oh aye - where are you off?
”Carlisle” (He says - as if Carlisle were a place you nipped into on the way to the shops)
”Carlisle!? The fuck are you going to be doing in Carlisle!?”
”I will be going to Carlise to pick up a car that my friend Joe has bought on eBay then I will be driving his car back again this evening.“
I tell him what an amazing friend he is and that not many people would do that for somebody. He responds by saying its just part of the banter that he and Joe have. Couple of weeks ago they said ”lets go for a walk - at Blackpool”. Its not even remotely amusing but I still find myself laughing. Its like those movies people watch that are so incompetently directed, so atrociously produced and so appallingly acted - that they are brilliant. Alex's moments of non-humour are like this - touches of sheer brilliance! Now go watch ‘Santa Claus Conquers the Martians‘. It’s really quite brilliant - for all the wrong reasons of course.
BLAST FROM THE PAST
..and to finish, heres a little poem I wrote!!
Reginald Quandry
Now it just so happened one Xmas
That Reg was in town one day
When from out of his eye,
He saw a young couple go by
But they were looking the other way
Now Reginald was a curious man
Who should have kept to himself but instead
He took himself over
The road to discover
They wore goggles on a hat on their head
He rudely looked them up and down
And simply stood and stared
Then without a doubt
He began to shout
"Did you choose that or were you dared?"
The couple did not batter an eyelid
And looked at Reg quite dignified
They said we have no patter
On this delicate matter
But we do wish you hadn't arrived
So with that we must be on our way
Though it was pleasant to meet you they said
So they went away
Without further delay
But Reg's comments had made them see red
Now Reg he was a fine one to talk
Out in public with his fashion bypass
But then things got tricky
When folk took the Mickey
As his pants fell from his waist to his ass
One member of the passing folk
Dressed for his job as a Christmas elf
Thought what a disgrace
To be bought face to face
With a bloke who looks like he's just crapped himself
Well Reg had had enough of this
And fled away like he'd just had a fit
But he should have sorted his waist
Before he made haste
For now he was all covered in shit
Well everyone laughed and everyone stared
At this man all defeated and shattered
But no one hung around
And for miles around
Everyone turned and scattered
So Reg was left all alone in the sleet
To reflect on his meanness to one of his clan
And so tired and beat
He walked from the street
A sadder but much wiser man
Bye for now!
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